A monologue from the tv series “The Originals”. The monologue is Rebekah Mikaelson speaking on demon controlling your body. One can take this monologue into everyday life. If you allow yourself to be negative then negatively will consume you whole.
Listen below from 0:35 to hear Rebekah’s voice over.
It’s the man I have been thinking about uncontrollably. I open the door to see Omar slowly lift his head up. I want to tell them to leave, but I urge the feeling of his touch. He looks at me with guilt, because he knew what I was going to do next, and holds out a bouquet of flowers. He got me, he knows it’s my favorite, Lilies, there’s something about the color and smile that always brings a smile to my face. In that moment I knew I would become a victim of his smooth smile, soft touch, and athletic body, but I still try to play it cool.
Omar “Big O”
“What are you doing here?”, I ask standing firmly at the doorway.
“Your not gonna let me in?”, He replies with his bright smile.
“Why should I?” I ask awaiting a legitimate response.
“We talked about meeting up tonight, I have flowers and you don’t want them to get all dried up. Do you?”, He says smiling.
I don’t respond, I just look him directly in his eyes.
“I don’t have time for this”, he shoves his way into the house. He then looks back at me, “Close the door”.
I turn around and look at him with the door still open waiting for him to leave. He puts the flowers down on the table then walks over to me and slowly close the door.
He then says, “Are you happy now?”
“No I wanted you to leave” I reply with an attitude.
Omar got in front of me and gently touched my face, moving in to kiss me.
“So you thought you were gonna come over here, bring flowers and everything was gonna be okay?”
Omar replies, “No, I thought you were gonna give me a hard time, like you’re doing right now”.
Omar has always had his way of getting what he wanted. I think that’s what I like most about him. People never want to disappoint him. What he fails to realize is that I’m not those people. He has gotten so use to women doing what he wants, that he tries that shit with me.
“You’ve crossed boundaries that can be considered unforgivable”, I announce looking Omar in the eyes.
“Well do you not forgive me?”, he ask awaiting for response.
“I don’t know yet”
“How do you not know?” Omar ask confused. Omar knew that I was clearly hurt by his relations with Victoria. I want to say something but it wouldn’t have come out as polite as I would want it to.
“Maybe I could give you a better answer if you stop fucking my friend”, I say with my hands crossed.
“I already told you, I will if you don’t see your ex anymore”
“What the fuck, that’s not even fair, so your going to keep fucking my friend because I won’t do what you want”
“You can’t make demands if your not gonna follow through with any of mine”
“Well then I’ll stop fucking my ex if you promise to break it off with her”
“Alright you got it, I won’t see her anymore”
“You promise?”, I ask with a smile.
“you got my word”, he says as he gently touching my face.
“well I like the sound of that”, I said as I kiss him.
I don’t know what it is but there is something comforting about Omar’s lips. Every time we lock lips, I seem to imagine all the things that I can’t have with him. He began to tear my clothes off piece by piece. He grabbed my hair forcing my head back, as he begin licking my neck, while his other hand slowly moved down my stomach to between my thighs. I bite my bottom lip as I tried to gain control of the situation but as usual I fell deep into his seduction. He spun me back around, grabbing me tight and look me in the eyes and said, “We have agreement?”
“Not exactly”, I respond with no hesitation.
“Oh really?”, Omar asked.
I nodded confirming his disbelief.
“Maybe i can change that”, he said as he lifts me up slowly kissing all over my body, while carrying me to the room. I couldn’t fighting anymore, I just let it happen.
The next morning I woke up with Omar’s broad shoulders right around me. I still can’t explain why he has such a hold on me. I think it’s because of the way he treated me when I had nobody. He gave me a chance, by giving me a job when I needed it the most.
Some would say my job is unorthodox, but I see it as a way to survive. There’s nothing about my job that forces me to do anything, I feel uncomfortable with. But I will say, my job is a little risky for some individuals.
Before Omar I’d been in multiple relationships, but Omar was the first person to make me feel like a woman. All my other relationships seem to be fun, as if we were in a relationship because we could. With Omar I feel like I didn’t have a choice. Like no matter how much I wanted to run away my heart wouldn’t allow me to.
I turned over to look at my cell phone, and on the screen I saw 10 missed calls. Immediately I knew who it was. As I open my phone, I slowly rose up from Omar’s grip, to sit up on the bed. Then I saw that I also had a voicemail. I put the phone to my ear, and begin playing the voicemail.
“I want to hear your voice, call me when you have the time”, Trey said with such conviction. I replayed the message one more time just to hear his voice. I then looked over to the bedroom where Omar was sleeping, then back to my phone and smile. Although I wanted to be with Omar. I also feel a strong love for Trey. Usually I never have to choose one over the other, but now they’re both here at the same time fighting for the same position in my life. I got up and went into the other room to call Trey back. As a phone rang my heart began to beat fast because I didn’t know what to say to him. Trey answers the phone with the raspy voice he had in the morning, the same voice I love to here next to me in the morning.
“Hello”, Trey replies.
“good morning”, I say with a sense nervousness
“Good morning”, he says with a bit of excitement
“I just got your message, I thought it’d be polite, that I called you back”
“I don’t want to be polite, I want you to call me back because it’s something you truly want. Not because you feel it’s right”, he replies frustrated.
I’m beginning to think that Trey’s “good morning” wasn’t as pleasant as I thought it was.
“maybe I shouldn’t of called you sorry”, I prepare myself to hang up.
“Babe wait”, he interjects “I understand, I’m just a little upset”
“I know and I understand why, I’m a little confused right now and I don’t know what to do”
Seconds later Omar silently my walks into the room.
“I just need you to give me some time to figure out what I want”, I says emotionally connected.
“Who you talking to?”, Forcefully ask.
I couldn’t respond, I was completely dumbfounded.
To Be Continued…
Yesterday Rihanna released the music video for her new single “What Now” that she has been promoting all week. The video is similar to her Russian Roulette video.
The video displays Rihanna is a long thin gown. She is in a empty room fighting with her intense feelings failure. I know everyone can relate to this video. When you just have no idea where to turn next or where you even want to go.
Just know that this is apart of life and with everyone negative comes a greater positive.
According to reports, Paris Jackson was rushed to the hospital late last night after a suicide attempt. Just before she was wheeled out of her home on a stretcher with two slits on her wrist, the 15 year old had posted cryptic tweets on Twitter that read, “Wonder why tears are salty? Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away now it looks as though they’re here to stay.”
A source revealed to US Magazine:
She has major depression issues, a lot of it stemming from her dad’s death. It’s very real and very sad. She has been extremely depressed and not been able to sleep lately, staying up all night.
Earlier today, her mom confirmed to Entertainment Tonight that Paris slit her wrists while telling the site that Paris has had a lot going on lately. She was also upset that she wasn’t allowed to go to a Marilyn Manson concert.
It’s hard to say what her current relationship is like with her father’s side of the family (after the highly publicized fallout with Janet last year), but over the last few months, she has reunited with her mother Debbie Rowe and has begun forming a closer relationship with her mother’s side of the family.
“I have to think about it”, I said uneasy.
“What is there to think about?” Trey said irritated.
“You don’t understand”, I said trying to end the conversation.
“I can’t understand something you’re not telling me”
“It’s too much to explain”, I replied hoping Trey would get the point.
“Christina I love you and I need you to open up to me”.
I can’t believe he has the nerve to say I won’t open up when he’s the one who broke my heart.
“Like I did before and you up and left?”
“I was scared because I didn’t understand but now I’m okay with it”, Trey said sounding a little uneasy.
Pissed off I replied, “You’re okay with it? Trey I don’t care if you’re okay with it. I need you to feel secure. I need you to trust that I won’t do anything wrong.”
“I’m trying but you already know shit happens”, he said trying to convince me.
“No, I don’t know that shit happens because I can control myself. I never put myself in a situation I can’t get out of, but I’m pretty sure you’ve had multiple shit happen moments.”
“I didn’t call you so we can point fingers at each other. I just want us back”
“That won’t happen overnight”, I have to make Trey know that my feelings aren’t to be toyed with again.
“I’m willing to start over if that means we’ll end up where we were”
His words sound sincere but what can I really believe. The words “Yes I would love to start over”, wants to come out but I have to hold it back. I need to know that Trey is as serious about us as I am, before putting myself in one hundred percent.
“Meet me at my place tonight”, I said emotionless.
“I’ll be there sometime in the AM”
“I don’t care, you just need to get here”
“Don’t worry, I love you”
“See you soon”
I hung up the phone and held it to my chest for a few moments before putting it down. I just couldn’t say I loved him back because I didn’t know, if his love was genuine.
I could feel Victoria staring at me waiting to put her two cents in, “Why do you keep treating him like that?”
I immediately looked at her annoyed, “How the hell am I treating him?”
“You’re just being unnecessary”
“I’m being unnecessary? V you should understand how I feel about what Trey did to me. Do I need to bring up his name?”
Upset Victoria replied, “Don’t even go there”
“I won’t but don’t act like you never felt how I feel”
“That’s exactly why I’m telling you not to treat Trey like that. He’s going to get tired of the bullshit and move on without you, even if he’s still in love. That’s what I did, with you know who, and I regret it still to this day.”
Victoria was one of those females who seem to have it all together on the outside but she was completely broken inside. She recently got dumped by her ex Elmont after she kept playing the blame game. Elmont cheated on her a few times. After feeling bad about his secret he sat Victoria down to explain the other women, and she went berserk. He was doing everything possible to gain her trust back but she continuously put him through hell with no sign of their relationship building. So he got tired of her bullshit and told her he loved her but he couldn’t do it anymore. Of course she was upset because she was still crazy in love with him. Also he had the nerve to break up with her after he was the wrong one. Victoria was and still is an emotional wreak for the break up. Ever since, she has taken it upon herself to make sure all of her friend’s relationships run smoothly. I appreciate it but I want her to work on herself.
“I understand”, was my response. There was nothing much I could say because she was ultimately right.
Omar (Big O)
Victoria’s phone began to ring. She looked at it for a few moments before picking it up, “Hello”, she said with a smile. She held the phone to her ear enjoying every word the person on the other end spoke. She looked at me then walked into the other room to continue her conversation.
Just then a text came to my phone. When I picked it up to read it read “BO”. Just the man I wanted to talk to at a time like this. The text read, “I was thinking about you so thought I would shoot you a text. Wassup?” Yes, he’s thinking about me. I shouldn’t care but I kind of miss him. I texted back, “Aww how sweet. I’m at my friend’s house. Imu ;-)”
As I awaited his next text my face began to light up. Why? I have no idea. He then texted, “I need to see you”. I texted back, “You already know it’s about timing.” Then he said, “Tonight?” Before I could reply Victoria walked back into the room saying, “Yeah, of course see you later”, before hanging up the phone.
Being noisy I asked, “Who was that?”
“Just some guy”, she said brushing me off.
“I think it’s more than some guy”, I said trying to get some information out of her.
“Girl, you already know it’s not a big deal. He serves his purpose which is something I need in my life right about now”, she said with no feeling.
I can tell she wanted more than just a guy for the moment. I just don’t know how to stop her from being afraid of her feelings.
I should be the last person telling someone not to be afraid of their feelings. I just hate to see her like this, probably the same way she hates to see me worrying about Trey. Relationships can be extremely complicated sometimes. You get stuck and don’t know where to turn next. It really takes time for you to turn in the right direction.
Concerned I asked, “Where did you meet this guy?”
She looked afraid to answer, “I don’t remember”.
“Oh really”, I said with a look of disbelief.
“What? I don’t remember”, She said
“I just hope you’re not messing around with work”
She replied, “Are you judging?”
“So it is work? Spill”, I said waiting for her to speak.
“We met a while ago”.
“I don’t care clients are off limits”
“He’s not a client”, she whispered under her breath.
“It’s not a client”, she repeated under her breath.
“Why don’t you speak a little louder”, I said annoyed.
“It’s not a damn client”, she said loud and with anger.
I asked confused, “If it’s not a client then”, I stopped and thought about it before I continue, “No not George?”
“Eww girl no”, Victoria said with disgust.
“Then who the hell are you talking about? The only other person is, but you don’t know him”
Victoria stared into space with no response. Her reaction said it all, “It’s Omar, but when did you meet him?”
She still wasn’t talking.
“Victoria seriously is it Omar?”
She said hesitating, “you can’t say anything”.
“You’re fucking Big O?”
“Don’t make it at big deal”
“It’s a big deal because he says he never fucks around with his girls.”
Confused she replied, “I thought you all we really close?”
I can’t believe this fucker. He has the nerve to tell Victoria about me. Why would he do some shit like that? I don’t know if I should be more upset than hurt, but right now I’m feeling hurt more than anything.
“He told you that?” I said confused.
“It doesn’t matter”, Victoria said trying to end the conversation.
“If you get Big O’s attention that’s a huge deal, now speak”
Victoria spoke with a smile, “I was at the office because George and I had to speak about some important information I found out. So while I was there George’s assistant came barging in and you know how George gets when people interrupt his meetings. So he was about to fuss at her before she said, “Big O is on his way upstairs”. George of course was excited but I was a little confused to why they were so happy to see their boss.”
“I know why”, I said with a straight face.
“I mean at the time I didn’t but now I do”
“I can’t believe…”
“Do you want to hear the rest of the story or do you want to keep talking? Cause I will let you”
“Sorry, keep talking”, I said holding back the real words that should have came out.
“Anyway when Omar came in”
“Wow, you even call him Omar”
Victoria looked at me with a blank stare then continued, “So when Big O came in George dapped him up. And the assistant was so thirsty it was disgusting. I just sat there waiting for them to finish their greetings so George and I could finish our conversation. Of course you know I was annoyed and I think Omar could tell so he introduced himself, “Wassup I’m Omar but everyone calls me Big O”.
“I know”, I said carelessly.
“And you are?” Omar said with a smile.
“I don’t usually put “The” before my name”
“Well the way George talks about you, you should”, he said with a smile.
“I’ll think about it”, Victoria replied brushing him off.
Omar looked me directly in the eye and said, “George I can see why you like her so much.”
Victoria continues to say, “The eye contact we made put me in a trance for a couple second but I quickly got myself together. Honestly I don’t know what was said after that all I knew is I wanted Omar badly.”
I can’t believe Omar he knows that Victoria and I are extremely close and he pulls some shit like this.
I interrupted, “Every girl wants to fuck him”
“Excluding you?” she said laughing.
“That was way before I began working for him. Did he tell you that?”
“You already know your secret is safe with me”, she said zipping her mouth.
“You better watch out for him because his ass is sneaky”
“Girl you already know how I handle men like him”
“Okay, just be careful”
I don’t think I have room to be upset, I am still in love with my ex. Just to know he would even go that far pisses me off. When I got home I made a phone call that was well needed.
Omar answered the phone, “Hey beautiful so are we on for tonight?”
“O do you have something to tell me”
“No, do you want me to tell you something?” He replied confused.
“Why are you fucking Victoria?”
“Why are you fucking your ex?”
I can’t believe this dude went there with me. His nonchalant attitude pissed me off.
“You heard me?” he said calmly.
“O that’s my friend”
“I didn’t know that until after”
“Yes, you did because I’ve told you about her many times”
“Well I like her”, he said carelessly.
I replied, “Stop fucking her”.
“Stop fucking your ex”, he responded.
I had nothing to say. I can’t just break it off with Trey for a man who is even more confused than Trey.
“I thought so, and Victoria is really nice.”
“Well you know what have fun and don’t ever call me again”, I explained before slamming the phone down.
I laid on my couch thinking about Omar which was weird because I wanted Trey more than I wanted Omar. As I began to fall asleep my doorbell rang. I attempted to ignore it but the person kept knocking. I got up to open the door. When I looked through the peep hole a smile appeared on my face.
To be Continued…
“Shit”, I said jumping off the bed, picking my clothes up off the chair and headed straight for the door. Trey stood in front of the door blocking it.
Trey said trying to stop me, “Why are you leaving?”
Trying to shove him out the way I said, “Trey move!”
“Where are you going?”
Finally, I got Trey out of my way; I put my cloths down attempting to put one piece on at a time, but before I could get anything on, Trey came behind me and grabbed the clothing I had in my hand and threw them on the floor. When I tried to turn around, he wrapped his hands around my waist, planting kisses from my left shoulder to the right side of my neck. For a moment I awaited his next move. Getting impatient I turned around making full eye contact with Trey. As are eyes met our lips met seconds later. I fell in love all over again. I stepped back uncertain whether I should continue. As I stepped back he stepped forward backing me against the wall. With nowhere to run Trey kissed me gently pressed against my body. I wanted to pull away, but the warmth from his body drew me in. He picked me up carried me over to the bed, laid me down as he made his way downtown. I have been craving this moment. He always does everything right. He knows exactly what to do to drive me crazy. Trey is definitely the best lover I have ever had.
“What do you want from me”, I said Moaning
He Whispers looking in my eyes, “I Love You”
“Why do you like hurting me?”
I got really emotional throughout our entire time of making love. I couldn’t believe I was so emotional. After a while Trey stopped answering my emotional driven questions. He just gave me what he knew I wanted. I began crying for more begging him to go deeper. I wanted so bad to free my mind and enjoy every bit of this moment but, in the back of my mind I was still hurt, I needed answers. Trey went on his knees grabbing me and slowly entered. I wrapped my legs around his waist closing my eyes bending my head back and moaning. I made eye contact with Trey once more with tears rolling down my face. I kissed Trey then felt a shocking palm run through my body. We stared at one another satisfied.
The next morning I found myself to be satisfied and relaxed, to be sleeping next to the man I was afraid to love. I lied their watching him sleep. He was perfection, maybe it’s just me but he looks like an angel when he sleeps. I honestly couldn’t believe I was doing this again. Instead of trying to get over him, I was falling deeper. I had to get out of that hotel room before he woke up and we both exchanged words that we wouldn’t be able to take back. I wanted to kiss him badly, but I had to restrain. I quietly got out of the bed tip toeing, picking up my cloths and putting them on. I then made a quick exit. I leaned back on the door crying. I got myself together wiped my eyes and left the hotel.
The next thing I knew, I was knocking on Victoria’s door like a lost puppy. I needed to talk to someone immediately I was dying inside.
“Who is it?” a voice asked behind the door.
“Christina”, I replied
Victoria opened the door with a big smile. When she saw the sadness in my face her mood changed.
“Are you okay?” she asked; pulling me inside the house, closing the door behind me.
I nodded my head “no” without a reply.
“What happened? Is it work? Cause you already know…”
“No, it has nothing to do with that”
“Oh Okay…Then what is it?”
“What about Trey?” Victoria said with attitude.
“Yesterday he called in the office asking for me personally under another name”
“Awww Really?” laughing then continued, “What’s wrong with that?”
“Wait let me finish. He then asked for me to meet him at a hotel. You know how I feel about the whole hotel thing, but I just said whatever because I wanted to get Trey off my mind. So when I got to the hotel he told me to come into the bedroom and get comfortable. At that moment; I was going to leave, but I didn’t because I wanted to forget Trey. So I went into the room and took off my cloths and everything.”
Victoria asked, “Wait, this is before you knew it was Trey?”
“Freak” Victoria laughed.
I Laughed, “Let me continue, I posed on the bed waiting for him, to get out of the bathroom. When he stepped out I almost died. I was so embarrassed, I jumped off the bed grabbed my cloths and tried to leave but he jumped in front of the door. We argued for a few seconds then the rest is history”
“Really?” Victoria’s facial expression changed, “Wait I’m not surprised, both of you are still in love with each other”.
“I woke up this morning and just wanted to stay in his arms”
“Why did you leave?”
“I can’t be with him, he doesn’t accept my career and he doesn’t trust me”
“You could work toward fixing that part of your relationship or change your job instead of running away”.
My phone then began to ring. The screen read My Baby. I showed the phone to Victoria and she said, “Talk to him” There was a silence in the room as the phone rang again, “Answer it”.
I picked up the phone, “Hello”
“I wake up and you’re gone. Wassup with that?”
“I needed air”
“Christina what’s the problem?”
“There is no problem”
“Well, I’m leaving town in two days and I want to see you again before I leave”
Why is it that this man has to always make it hard for me to say no to him? I don’t want him to leave. I just want to be with him.
To Be Continued…