(Because I Love You) Chapter 8: Mixed Signals


OMAR

Omar yelled, “Did you hear me the first time?”
I couldn’t speak, looking at the phone then back at Omar. I decided in that moment, to cut the conversation short whispering, “I’ll call you back”. Quickly I hung up the phone, then looked over at Omar. I thought to myself, I can play this in two ways, I can play the victim card or I could play the asshole. I grappled with the decision for a few seconds. I choose the asshole, “don’t look at me like that”, I said dismissing his presents, walking around him to the living room. He turned around and followed me, grabbing my arm to stop me,”So our conversation yesterday meant nothing?”. I pulled my hand out of his grip looking him, “You must’ve lost your goddamn mind, Don’t ever grab me again”, I said perjecting my voice. Omar threw his hands up in the air, then slowly stepped back.


CHRISTINA

I continue to walk to the living room and sat down on the couch. I looked over at Omar, who was still looking at me.

“It’s fine with me, if you don’t want to follow our agreement, I will gladly continue what I’m doing”, Omar said with a smile. He then walks to the back to the bedroom. I could hear moving around from the living room. I didn’t pay him any attention. I remained in the living room, a lot of thoughts roaming through my head. I don’t want to lose Omar, but I don’t know if I’m ready to lose Trey either. Omar made his way back into the kitchen. Grabbing his jacket on the chair, right before he put his hand on the door he looks over at me once more and says, “I’ll let myself out”. At this point my head was down in my hands. As I heard the door open, I popped up and ran to the door; closing it before Omar even fully opened it, “You’re not being fair”, I said as my eyes began to water. 

“What do you mean I’m not being fair? I gave you an option. You told me that you were going to handle it, and you didn’t, so explain to me how I’m not being fair?”, Omar said waiting for me to respond.

“It’s not that easy for me”, I reply looking down feeling ashamed to look him in the eye.

Omar replied sarcastically grabbing the door again to open it, “Well it’s not that easy for me either”.

I push the door close once more then responded, “You’re just saying that because I said it, I’m not saying it’s hard to leave Trey just because but you know damn well that you’re saying that you can’t stop messing with Victoria just to be an asshole. Unlike you I don’t throw my feelings around anywhere”.

Omar getting tired of the back-and-forth and finally said, “Christina what are you saying to me?”

I said with tears running down my face, ” l don’t know, I really just don’t know”.

“Well when you figure it out you let me know, but until then you can’t tell me who I can and can’t see”, Omar grab the door once more and this time he left slammed the door behind him. I said in the same spot by the door for at least five minutes.

I don’t know how I’ve gotten to this place. This place of loneliness. It’s so dark and quiet here. No matter how hard I try to find the light the dark continues to turn the switch.

For a couple of days I stayed in the house in complete silence. I’m sure by now, I have many missed calls but I really had no interest in talking to anyone. I couldn’t even tell my best friend about what I was dealing with, because we are dealing with the same guy. Anyone else I could possibly talk to about it, would tell me what I didn’t need to hear. Laying in my bed I close my eyes and thought to myself, who do you want? Is it Omar or is it Trey? I kept repeating those same lines in my head over and over again, hoping to get the answer that I needed.

As I was in my own thoughts, I heard the doorbell ring. Hoping that the person would go away so I could remained in my bed. Once I realize the person wasn’t going to leave. I got up out of my bed and walk to the door when I looked out of the peep hole, it was Victoria. All I could think to myself was, “this is not the person I want to see you right now”. I actually feel bad for those thoughts in mind but I couldn’t help it. She had gotten tangled up in a love triangle without even asking for it. I open the door and there she was standing there with a bottle of wine in her hand.

“I have been calling and texting you, but you haven’t been answering, thought you might need some of this”, she said as she out of the bottle of wine.

She walked into the apartment and I close the door behind her. She walked into the kitchen and put the bottle down on the kitchen counter then looked back at me, that was right behind her.

“So what’s going on and why the hell do you look like this?”‘, she said awaiting my response looking me up and down.

I didn’t say anything I just grabbed the bottle opener out of the first drawer and begin opening the wine bottle.

“Please don’t tell me this is about Trey again?”, she asked still awaiting for me to respond.

I still remain quiet grabbing two glasses out of the cabinet and began pouring the wine. Then simply handed one glass to Victoria and walking into the living room. I sat down on the couch with the wine glass in hand, finally taking a sip. Victoria hurried over to the couch, sitting next to me eager to know what I was going to say next, “So it is about Trey?”, she asked to bring her wine.

“Yeah it’s about him”, I said sipping my wine once more.

“What did he do now?”, she said waiting for me to respond.

“I don’t know, he just doesn’t know what he wants. One minute he wants to be in a committed relationship the next minute he wants to be single, I can’t deal with his flip-floppy ways”, I said frustrated taking another sip.

“You have to tell him it’s over, I know it’s going to be hard but its the right thing to do. You can’t keep putting yourself through this. He’s not worth it, no man is worth it”, she informed me.

I loved all the words Victoria’s feeding me, but is better said than done. I really need to look inside myself and be strong.

Victoria turn to look at me and held my hand ,”I do have something to tell you, I don’t think you’re going to be very happy about it”. I see that she was honestly worried about what I would think so I just asked, “what’s wrong?”. She was still silent trying to figure out how to make the words come out. I held her hand, then nodded my head for her to continue to speak. She finally spoke, “Omar asked me to move in with him?”. Was I losing my mind? Did she just say Omar wants her to move in with him? Are you fucking serious right now? Why would he do that? I try my hardest not to let any tears fall from my eyes. I can’t believe him. He’s really trying to hurt me, and he’s doing a damn good job.
To Be Continued…

5 Ways To Build Self Confidence

Domonique gives five ways, she feels, that can help someone build their self confidence. This video was really important to Domonique she has a very strong belief in people understanding the importance of have confidence. Confidence is something a lot of people believe that they have under control and sometimes they really don’t. It takes one digging deep within to find who they are and how they feel about themselves. 

Attached below is the full video. Watch and tell us what you think. Do you think her five ways are valid? If so like this post and if not write us telling us what you believe she missed. 

Hope you enjoy the video!

(It’s Because I Love You) Chapter 7: He Gets To Me

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Christina

It’s the man I have been thinking about uncontrollably. I open the door to see Omar slowly lift his head up. I want to tell them to leave, but I urge the feeling of his touch. He looks at me with guilt, because he knew what I was going to do next, and holds out a bouquet of flowers. He got me, he knows it’s my favorite, Lilies, there’s something about the color and smile that always brings a smile to my face. In that moment I knew I would become a victim of his smooth smile, soft touch, and athletic body, but I still try to play it cool.

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Omar “Big O”

“What are you doing here?”, I ask standing firmly at the doorway.
“Your not gonna let me in?”, He replies with his bright smile.
“Why should I?” I ask awaiting a legitimate response.
“We talked about meeting up tonight, I have flowers and you don’t want them to get all dried up. Do you?”, He says smiling.
I don’t respond, I just look him directly in his eyes.
“I don’t have time for this”, he shoves his way into the house. He then looks back at me, “Close the door”.
I turn around and look at him with the door still open waiting for him to leave. He puts the flowers down on the table then walks over to me and slowly close the door.
He then says, “Are you happy now?”
“No I wanted you to leave” I reply with an attitude.
Omar got in front of me and gently touched my face, moving in to kiss me.
“So you thought you were gonna come over here, bring flowers and everything was gonna be okay?”
Omar replies, “No, I thought you were gonna give me a hard time, like you’re doing right now”.
Omar has always had his way of getting what he wanted. I think that’s what I like most about him. People never want to disappoint him. What he fails to realize is that I’m not those people. He has gotten so use to women doing what he wants, that he tries that shit with me.
“You’ve crossed boundaries that can be considered unforgivable”, I announce looking Omar in the eyes.
“Well do you not forgive me?”, he ask awaiting for response.
“I don’t know yet”
“How do you not know?” Omar ask confused. Omar knew that I was clearly hurt by his relations with Victoria. I want to say something but it wouldn’t have come out as polite as I would want it to.
“Maybe I could give you a better answer if you stop fucking my friend”, I say with my hands crossed.
“I already told you, I will if you don’t see your ex anymore”
“What the fuck, that’s not even fair, so your going to keep fucking my friend because I won’t do what you want”
“You can’t make demands if your not gonna follow through with any of mine”
“Well then I’ll stop fucking my ex if you promise to break it off with her”
“Alright you got it, I won’t see her anymore”
“You promise?”, I ask with a smile.
“you got my word”, he says as he gently touching my face.
“well I like the sound of that”, I said as I kiss him.

I don’t know what it is but there is something comforting about Omar’s lips. Every time we lock lips, I seem to imagine all the things that I can’t have with him. He began to tear my clothes off piece by piece. He grabbed my hair forcing my head back, as he begin licking my neck, while his other hand slowly moved down my stomach to between my thighs. I bite my bottom lip as I tried to gain control of the situation but as usual I fell deep into his seduction. He spun me back around, grabbing me tight and look me in the eyes and said, “We have agreement?”
“Not exactly”, I respond with no hesitation.
“Oh really?”, Omar asked.
I nodded confirming his disbelief.
“Maybe i can change that”, he said as he lifts me up slowly kissing all over my body, while carrying me to the room. I couldn’t fighting anymore, I just let it happen.
The next morning I woke up with Omar’s broad shoulders right around me. I still can’t explain why he has such a hold on me. I think it’s because of the way he treated me when I had nobody. He gave me a chance, by giving me a job when I needed it the most.
Some would say my job is unorthodox, but I see it as a way to survive. There’s nothing about my job that forces me to do anything, I feel uncomfortable with. But I will say, my job is a little risky for some individuals.
Before Omar I’d been in multiple relationships, but Omar was the first person to make me feel like a woman. All my other relationships seem to be fun, as if we were in a relationship because we could. With Omar I feel like I didn’t have a choice. Like no matter how much I wanted to run away my heart wouldn’t allow me to.
I turned over to look at my cell phone, and on the screen I saw 10 missed calls. Immediately I knew who it was. As I open my phone, I slowly rose up from Omar’s grip, to sit up on the bed. Then I saw that I also had a voicemail. I put the phone to my ear, and begin playing the voicemail.
“I want to hear your voice, call me when you have the time”, Trey said with such conviction. I replayed the message one more time just to hear his voice. I then looked over to the bedroom where Omar was sleeping, then back to my phone and smile. Although I wanted to be with Omar. I also feel a strong love for Trey. Usually I never have to choose one over the other, but now they’re both here at the same time fighting for the same position in my life. I got up and went into the other room to call Trey back. As a phone rang my heart began to beat fast because I didn’t know what to say to him. Trey answers the phone with the raspy voice he had in the morning, the same voice I love to here next to me in the morning.
“Hello”, Trey replies.
“good morning”, I say with a sense nervousness
“Good morning”, he says with a bit of excitement
“I just got your message, I thought it’d be polite, that I called you back”
“I don’t want to be polite, I want you to call me back because it’s something you truly want. Not because you feel it’s right”, he replies frustrated.
I’m beginning to think that Trey’s “good morning” wasn’t as pleasant as I thought it was.
“maybe I shouldn’t of called you sorry”, I prepare myself to hang up.
“Babe wait”, he interjects “I understand, I’m just a little upset”
“I know and I understand why, I’m a little confused right now and I don’t know what to do”
Seconds later Omar silently my walks into the room.
“I just need you to give me some time to figure out what I want”, I says emotionally connected.
“Who you talking to?”, Forcefully ask.
I couldn’t respond, I was completely dumbfounded.

To Be Continued…

Fan Fiction: In LOVE With Affection Pt.1

InLove

b-2 Porsha

I laid on the couch with my phone in hand waiting for his call, for what I can honestly say was a full four hours. Is it really that serious? I keep asking myself. I won’t know the answer until I actually get a damn phone call from him. As I was scrolling through my Instagram; my phone began ringing. I immediately sat up and answered the phone trying not sound eager, “Hello”.

“Hey beautiful”, said the voice at the other end of the phone.

Automatically I knew who it was and my excitement turned to frustration. “Oh hey Travis”, I said trying to sound interested.

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Travis

“I have some time this weekend, thinking we should make something happen” he said effortlessly.

“Sure why not, I don’t have any plans anyways”, I said pleasantly.

“Okay it’s a date, see you then”, he said as he hung up.

I took the phone from my ear a bit bemused. “Bye to you too, Have a good day”, I said to the phone obviously talking to myself. This is how most of our conversations seem to go.

Travis and I met a few years ago through a mutual friend at a social gathering. I was invited to a party to celebrate my friend’s birthday and he attended. Travis was absolutely the most attractive male that attended this birthday bash. All night, I was eyeing that handsome, tall, dark hair gentleman. He was well put together with a smile that would light up the entire room. He looked like a model out of a magazine. I really had no interest in him other than staring at him all night, but then he approached me. He was really sweet, I, eating up all the bull that he was feeding me. After that night, we went on a total of four dates and after the last date as I made my way to the front door. I turned around and we smiled, “I had a good night”. He grabbed me and hugged me with his broad arms as he spoke softly, “the night isn’t over yet”, then passionately kissed me. After that I had to test the waters. Ever since then that’s all we’ve been, he only calls when he is in town and I call if I happen to be in his city or if I feel like getting away for a weekend.

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Bradley

Now I’m back to staring at my phone wanting for this amazing guy name Bradley to call. Bradley is a nicely built man with long straight hair and beard. He has a sweet bad boy look that drives me wild. We met at my favorite café where I got my coffee every morning. He works in the same area as me, so we tend to bump into one another fairly often.  I would see him every day and not say a word, until one day I built up the confidence to start a conversation.

I was waiting for our daily dose of caffeine, when I noticed that he was ordering for what looked like his entire office. With his strong large arms, he tried to carry all four coaster of coffee at once, which was impossible. So I quickly grabbed my drink and asked, “Would you like my help?”

He continued to pick up the items, “Thank you but I think I got it”.

“I think you’re struggling”, I grabbed two of the coasters and one bag, “I’ll just help you to your car”.

He looked up at me and said, “Thank you”.

“No problem, just lead the way” I said with a smile.

I followed him to his car. The entire walk I was glued to his flexed arms. Once we got to his car he placed everything into his Black 2015 BMW.

“Thank you?” he said waiting for me to respond.

“Porsha”, I said.

He held out his hand to shake mine, “I’m Bradley, nice to meet you”

“Likewise” I responded shaking his manly soft hands.

“I owe you big time”, he smiled.

“I’ll hold you to that”, I responded.

I hadn’t seen him for a whole week. During my lunch break one day, I decided to refill my coffee at my favorite spot. As I waited for my drink I saw him walking in. I had been thinking about this guy nonstop since our little encounter. So when I saw him, I had an uncontrollable urge to smile. He slowly made his way over to the pick-up counter looking down at his phone. As he stood there in the form of perfection, I had no choice but to walk over to him, “Hey stranger”. He looked up startled and said, “Hey”.

“Sorry didn’t mean to bother you”, I replied.

He put away his phone and said, “No your fine, just that I’ve never seen you in here at this time”

“It’s just been one of those days”

“Porsha, right?”

“You remembered”, I replied

“It’s hard to forget a face like yours”

Skeptical I replied, “I hope that’s a good thing”

“Yeah, at least for you”

The way he looked at me, made me feel like he genuinely wanted just me.

Now I’m here reminiscing, hoping that our next conversation is as intoxicating as the first. “This is ridiculous”, I said as I put my phone down and went to the kitchen. As I opened the fridge the doorbell rang. I ignored it the first time and grabbed the orange juice out the fridge. As I reach to get a cup out of the cabinet the bell rings again. I froze for a second and thought to myself that it could be Bradley. I quickly ran over to the front door, peaked and of course another disappointment. I prep myself to put a fake smile as I open the door.

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Victoria

“Hey babe”, said Victoria as she gently kisses Porsha on the lips letting herself into the apartment.

Porsha closes the door, “I didn’t know you were back in town?”

“I wanted to surprise you”, she pulls a tiffany box out of her pocket. “I remembered you said you wanted it”, Victoria hands the box to Porsha with pleasure.

Porsha examines the box as she slowly opens it. When she opens it she couldn’t believe Victoria remembered. Inside was a diamond plated bracelet. Porsha had been eyeing the bracelet, the last few times her and Victoria took a visit to the mall.

Porsha smiles as she looks back at Victoria, “You really got it”, and Porsha pauses for a second then wraps her arms around Victoria’s waist and kisses her. “Your amazing”, Porsha adds with the biggest grin on her face.

Victoria pulls her hands around her smiling, “I know, I’m probably the best thing in your life right now”.

Porsha was a bit offended with her comment, so she lets go of Victoria and looks at her as if she was crazy. “Do you really think so?” Porsha replies with an attitude.

Victoria smiles, grabs Porsha’s hand and pulls her close, “It was a joke, calm down”.

Porsha, still looks upset kisses Victoria.

“Babe I know you could have anyone you want, but I’m glad it’s me”, Victoria says sincerely.

Victoria backed her up against the wall; tenderly kissing her while taking a layer of clothing off with each kiss. As she made her way down her body, she got on her knees and lifted her legs around her shoulders. Victoria began using her tongue to pleasure her. Just as Porsha began moaning, Victoria stood up and Porsha’s body swung down to Victoria’s legs. Victoria continued to pleasure Porsha as she carried her into the room. When she got her into the bedroom, Victoria swung Porsha’s body back up and threw her on the bed. Victoria climbed on top of Porsha and began kissing her on her neck. Porsha pushes Victoria off her and climbs on top. She slowly starts takes off her shirt then made her way down her body. Once Porsha got her unclothed she began kissing her at her waist and made her way down to her foot. She gently began licking each toe. As Victoria began to moan, she began to suck on them. Porsha then opened Victoria’s legs and began pleasuring her. They both satisfied one another straight to sleep.

Then next morning, Porsha wakes up and Victoria’s arms are wrapped around her. She slowly gets up out of the bed, goes into the kitchen, and grabs her phone that is on the counter. She had three missed calls, all of which are from Bradley. He also left a voicemail saying, “Hey sexy, just wanted to see you. I hope I’m not too late. Call me when you get this”. Porsha, not knowing what to do dialed Bradley’s number, the phone rang twice before he answered, “Hey Sexy”.

To Be Continued…