(Because I Love You) Chapter 8: Mixed Signals


OMAR

Omar yelled, “Did you hear me the first time?”
I couldn’t speak, looking at the phone then back at Omar. I decided in that moment, to cut the conversation short whispering, “I’ll call you back”. Quickly I hung up the phone, then looked over at Omar. I thought to myself, I can play this in two ways, I can play the victim card or I could play the asshole. I grappled with the decision for a few seconds. I choose the asshole, “don’t look at me like that”, I said dismissing his presents, walking around him to the living room. He turned around and followed me, grabbing my arm to stop me,”So our conversation yesterday meant nothing?”. I pulled my hand out of his grip looking him, “You must’ve lost your goddamn mind, Don’t ever grab me again”, I said perjecting my voice. Omar threw his hands up in the air, then slowly stepped back.


CHRISTINA

I continue to walk to the living room and sat down on the couch. I looked over at Omar, who was still looking at me.

“It’s fine with me, if you don’t want to follow our agreement, I will gladly continue what I’m doing”, Omar said with a smile. He then walks to the back to the bedroom. I could hear moving around from the living room. I didn’t pay him any attention. I remained in the living room, a lot of thoughts roaming through my head. I don’t want to lose Omar, but I don’t know if I’m ready to lose Trey either. Omar made his way back into the kitchen. Grabbing his jacket on the chair, right before he put his hand on the door he looks over at me once more and says, “I’ll let myself out”. At this point my head was down in my hands. As I heard the door open, I popped up and ran to the door; closing it before Omar even fully opened it, “You’re not being fair”, I said as my eyes began to water. 

“What do you mean I’m not being fair? I gave you an option. You told me that you were going to handle it, and you didn’t, so explain to me how I’m not being fair?”, Omar said waiting for me to respond.

“It’s not that easy for me”, I reply looking down feeling ashamed to look him in the eye.

Omar replied sarcastically grabbing the door again to open it, “Well it’s not that easy for me either”.

I push the door close once more then responded, “You’re just saying that because I said it, I’m not saying it’s hard to leave Trey just because but you know damn well that you’re saying that you can’t stop messing with Victoria just to be an asshole. Unlike you I don’t throw my feelings around anywhere”.

Omar getting tired of the back-and-forth and finally said, “Christina what are you saying to me?”

I said with tears running down my face, ” l don’t know, I really just don’t know”.

“Well when you figure it out you let me know, but until then you can’t tell me who I can and can’t see”, Omar grab the door once more and this time he left slammed the door behind him. I said in the same spot by the door for at least five minutes.

I don’t know how I’ve gotten to this place. This place of loneliness. It’s so dark and quiet here. No matter how hard I try to find the light the dark continues to turn the switch.

For a couple of days I stayed in the house in complete silence. I’m sure by now, I have many missed calls but I really had no interest in talking to anyone. I couldn’t even tell my best friend about what I was dealing with, because we are dealing with the same guy. Anyone else I could possibly talk to about it, would tell me what I didn’t need to hear. Laying in my bed I close my eyes and thought to myself, who do you want? Is it Omar or is it Trey? I kept repeating those same lines in my head over and over again, hoping to get the answer that I needed.

As I was in my own thoughts, I heard the doorbell ring. Hoping that the person would go away so I could remained in my bed. Once I realize the person wasn’t going to leave. I got up out of my bed and walk to the door when I looked out of the peep hole, it was Victoria. All I could think to myself was, “this is not the person I want to see you right now”. I actually feel bad for those thoughts in mind but I couldn’t help it. She had gotten tangled up in a love triangle without even asking for it. I open the door and there she was standing there with a bottle of wine in her hand.

“I have been calling and texting you, but you haven’t been answering, thought you might need some of this”, she said as she out of the bottle of wine.

She walked into the apartment and I close the door behind her. She walked into the kitchen and put the bottle down on the kitchen counter then looked back at me, that was right behind her.

“So what’s going on and why the hell do you look like this?”‘, she said awaiting my response looking me up and down.

I didn’t say anything I just grabbed the bottle opener out of the first drawer and begin opening the wine bottle.

“Please don’t tell me this is about Trey again?”, she asked still awaiting for me to respond.

I still remain quiet grabbing two glasses out of the cabinet and began pouring the wine. Then simply handed one glass to Victoria and walking into the living room. I sat down on the couch with the wine glass in hand, finally taking a sip. Victoria hurried over to the couch, sitting next to me eager to know what I was going to say next, “So it is about Trey?”, she asked to bring her wine.

“Yeah it’s about him”, I said sipping my wine once more.

“What did he do now?”, she said waiting for me to respond.

“I don’t know, he just doesn’t know what he wants. One minute he wants to be in a committed relationship the next minute he wants to be single, I can’t deal with his flip-floppy ways”, I said frustrated taking another sip.

“You have to tell him it’s over, I know it’s going to be hard but its the right thing to do. You can’t keep putting yourself through this. He’s not worth it, no man is worth it”, she informed me.

I loved all the words Victoria’s feeding me, but is better said than done. I really need to look inside myself and be strong.

Victoria turn to look at me and held my hand ,”I do have something to tell you, I don’t think you’re going to be very happy about it”. I see that she was honestly worried about what I would think so I just asked, “what’s wrong?”. She was still silent trying to figure out how to make the words come out. I held her hand, then nodded my head for her to continue to speak. She finally spoke, “Omar asked me to move in with him?”. Was I losing my mind? Did she just say Omar wants her to move in with him? Are you fucking serious right now? Why would he do that? I try my hardest not to let any tears fall from my eyes. I can’t believe him. He’s really trying to hurt me, and he’s doing a damn good job.
To Be Continued…

(It’s Because I Love You) Chapter 7: He Gets To Me

christine

Christina

It’s the man I have been thinking about uncontrollably. I open the door to see Omar slowly lift his head up. I want to tell them to leave, but I urge the feeling of his touch. He looks at me with guilt, because he knew what I was going to do next, and holds out a bouquet of flowers. He got me, he knows it’s my favorite, Lilies, there’s something about the color and smile that always brings a smile to my face. In that moment I knew I would become a victim of his smooth smile, soft touch, and athletic body, but I still try to play it cool.

image

Omar “Big O”

“What are you doing here?”, I ask standing firmly at the doorway.
“Your not gonna let me in?”, He replies with his bright smile.
“Why should I?” I ask awaiting a legitimate response.
“We talked about meeting up tonight, I have flowers and you don’t want them to get all dried up. Do you?”, He says smiling.
I don’t respond, I just look him directly in his eyes.
“I don’t have time for this”, he shoves his way into the house. He then looks back at me, “Close the door”.
I turn around and look at him with the door still open waiting for him to leave. He puts the flowers down on the table then walks over to me and slowly close the door.
He then says, “Are you happy now?”
“No I wanted you to leave” I reply with an attitude.
Omar got in front of me and gently touched my face, moving in to kiss me.
“So you thought you were gonna come over here, bring flowers and everything was gonna be okay?”
Omar replies, “No, I thought you were gonna give me a hard time, like you’re doing right now”.
Omar has always had his way of getting what he wanted. I think that’s what I like most about him. People never want to disappoint him. What he fails to realize is that I’m not those people. He has gotten so use to women doing what he wants, that he tries that shit with me.
“You’ve crossed boundaries that can be considered unforgivable”, I announce looking Omar in the eyes.
“Well do you not forgive me?”, he ask awaiting for response.
“I don’t know yet”
“How do you not know?” Omar ask confused. Omar knew that I was clearly hurt by his relations with Victoria. I want to say something but it wouldn’t have come out as polite as I would want it to.
“Maybe I could give you a better answer if you stop fucking my friend”, I say with my hands crossed.
“I already told you, I will if you don’t see your ex anymore”
“What the fuck, that’s not even fair, so your going to keep fucking my friend because I won’t do what you want”
“You can’t make demands if your not gonna follow through with any of mine”
“Well then I’ll stop fucking my ex if you promise to break it off with her”
“Alright you got it, I won’t see her anymore”
“You promise?”, I ask with a smile.
“you got my word”, he says as he gently touching my face.
“well I like the sound of that”, I said as I kiss him.

I don’t know what it is but there is something comforting about Omar’s lips. Every time we lock lips, I seem to imagine all the things that I can’t have with him. He began to tear my clothes off piece by piece. He grabbed my hair forcing my head back, as he begin licking my neck, while his other hand slowly moved down my stomach to between my thighs. I bite my bottom lip as I tried to gain control of the situation but as usual I fell deep into his seduction. He spun me back around, grabbing me tight and look me in the eyes and said, “We have agreement?”
“Not exactly”, I respond with no hesitation.
“Oh really?”, Omar asked.
I nodded confirming his disbelief.
“Maybe i can change that”, he said as he lifts me up slowly kissing all over my body, while carrying me to the room. I couldn’t fighting anymore, I just let it happen.
The next morning I woke up with Omar’s broad shoulders right around me. I still can’t explain why he has such a hold on me. I think it’s because of the way he treated me when I had nobody. He gave me a chance, by giving me a job when I needed it the most.
Some would say my job is unorthodox, but I see it as a way to survive. There’s nothing about my job that forces me to do anything, I feel uncomfortable with. But I will say, my job is a little risky for some individuals.
Before Omar I’d been in multiple relationships, but Omar was the first person to make me feel like a woman. All my other relationships seem to be fun, as if we were in a relationship because we could. With Omar I feel like I didn’t have a choice. Like no matter how much I wanted to run away my heart wouldn’t allow me to.
I turned over to look at my cell phone, and on the screen I saw 10 missed calls. Immediately I knew who it was. As I open my phone, I slowly rose up from Omar’s grip, to sit up on the bed. Then I saw that I also had a voicemail. I put the phone to my ear, and begin playing the voicemail.
“I want to hear your voice, call me when you have the time”, Trey said with such conviction. I replayed the message one more time just to hear his voice. I then looked over to the bedroom where Omar was sleeping, then back to my phone and smile. Although I wanted to be with Omar. I also feel a strong love for Trey. Usually I never have to choose one over the other, but now they’re both here at the same time fighting for the same position in my life. I got up and went into the other room to call Trey back. As a phone rang my heart began to beat fast because I didn’t know what to say to him. Trey answers the phone with the raspy voice he had in the morning, the same voice I love to here next to me in the morning.
“Hello”, Trey replies.
“good morning”, I say with a sense nervousness
“Good morning”, he says with a bit of excitement
“I just got your message, I thought it’d be polite, that I called you back”
“I don’t want to be polite, I want you to call me back because it’s something you truly want. Not because you feel it’s right”, he replies frustrated.
I’m beginning to think that Trey’s “good morning” wasn’t as pleasant as I thought it was.
“maybe I shouldn’t of called you sorry”, I prepare myself to hang up.
“Babe wait”, he interjects “I understand, I’m just a little upset”
“I know and I understand why, I’m a little confused right now and I don’t know what to do”
Seconds later Omar silently my walks into the room.
“I just need you to give me some time to figure out what I want”, I says emotionally connected.
“Who you talking to?”, Forcefully ask.
I couldn’t respond, I was completely dumbfounded.

To Be Continued…